


i know where my heart is (with you, it's always with you)

by stillwatching



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 6x09 spec, Bellarke, F/M, Post 6x08, a line or two are not exho or blecho friendly, hey look im finally posting my stuff on ao3, so if you like her/them you have been warned!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 07:57:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19719466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillwatching/pseuds/stillwatching
Summary: At last, Josephine breaks the silence, and she almost sounds genuine when she says, “You’re in love with her.”Bellamy swallows.“And here I thought you were faithful to that emotionally-stunted spy girlfriend of yours.”...Bellamy and Josephine in the woods post 6x08.Title inspired by “Please” by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler.





	i know where my heart is (with you, it's always with you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys! This is not a new fic (not to Tumblr at least), but it's the first fic I've gotten around to putting on Ao3. Leave a comment if you enjoy :)

Clarke has a fresh cut across her forehead.  _ No _ , Bellamy reminds himself.  _ Not Clarke. Josephine _ .

It’s all he’s been doing for the last hour, telling himself over and over again that he’s dragging  _ Josephine  _ through the woods. He’s kidnapping  _ Josephine _ . He’s unintentionally hurting  _ Josephine _ .

Because if he doesn’t, all he sees is Clarke in pain by his own hand, and his heart aches. He swears sometimes his hands still shake with the memory of what he did to Clarke during the eclipse. 

It wasn’t  _ him _ , but it was some subconscious  _ part  _ of himself. He hates that the bruises on her neck came from  _ his _ hands.

And the thought of hurting her more, even though this is only Clarke’s body and not actually her but someone else—someone evil—it’s unbearable.

So, when his eyes catch sight of the scrape, one Josephine received during the struggle, he can’t look away. Josephine eyes him curiously but doesn’t say anything.

They’re taking a break now. She’d finally let up on resisting and he’d needed to rest his leg, still recovering from the stab wound he’d suffered during the eclipse.

It’s only a short little while longer to the nearest lab marked on the map, where he hopes to find some information on Gabriel’s whereabouts, but that does little to ease the anxiety thrumming in Bellamy’s veins. They don’t have time for this.

But he remembers a day long ago when he’d tried to go after Clarke on a bleeding leg. He was never gonna be able to get to her, yet he trudged on, grimacing and crying out until Monty finally got through to him. He remembers that day and knows what Monty would tell him today.

_ Take a few minutes. You need it. If you’re gonna save her, you need to be able to walk _ .

Monty’s not here, but Bellamy swears he hears his old friend saying those very words and sighs. He’s still looking at Josephine and she’s still looking at him, neither of them having spoken in quite some time.

At last, Josephine breaks the silence, and she almost sounds genuine when she says, “You’re in love with her.”

Bellamy swallows. He hadn’t been expecting her to read him so well, but there’s no denying it, so he doesn’t.

He’s not sure when it happened. When despising Clarke for the privileged princess he thought she was turned to admiring and respecting and  _ loving  _ the girl she really was, but it did. He fell for her, and he fell  _ hard _ .

He remembers the day he’d first realized—how deeply gone for her he was. He remembers kneeling down and taking her hands in his own and looking up at her as she looked down at him, lips parted. He remembers how broken he was, how broken they  _ both  _ were, and how just one moment like this was enough to reach them both. He remembers it all like it was just yesterday, can still feel the hope that had flooded his chest.

Because the thing is, it’s nearly seven years later, and he loves Clarke Griffin today just as much as he had then. It doesn’t matter that she’s been physically gone for so much of it. She came into his life, worked her way into his heart, and she never left.

“And here I thought you were faithful to that emotionally-stunted spy girlfriend of yours.” Josephine smirks, the facade of sincerity falling from her face in an instant.

_ Emotionally-stunted. You’re one to talk _ , Bellamy thinks, but that’s not what really grates on him about what she says. “I  _ am _ .”

“Yet you love Clarke and not her…How pathetic,” Josephine laughs. “Too bad Clarke doesn’t feel the same way.”

Bellamy averts his eyes. “She doesn’t care about me like that, but she does care.”

“Really? And what makes you think that? Is it that she radioed you every day for the six years you were gone? In case you’ve forgotten, that was  _ before _ you put the flame in her twelve year old’s head.”

“I  _ haven’t  _ forgotten.”

“What I don’t get is why you were always saving kids until it came to  _ Clarke’s _ kid.”

Bellamy scoffs. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“She left you to die for what you did. She hated you for it.”

“Shut up!”

“She  _ still  _ hates you.”

Bellamy shakes his head.

_ She’ll never forgive you,  _ Madi’s words echo.

“She forgave me,” he insists, but his voice nearly breaks. 

“Did she?”

Bellamy swallows again.

“Then why hasn’t she been thinking of you? There are people inside our mind, people she’s loved and lost. Your sister too. The girl that made Madi her second in a war is more important to Clarke than you.  _ You’ve _ yet to make an appearance.”

“You’re lying,” he says, and this time his faith in how much Clarke cares for him doesn’t waver. 

_ You’re my family too _ , Clarke had said to him just a few days ago.  _ I lost sight of that, but I promise I’ll never forget it again. You’re too important to me. _

“She needs me as much as I need her. You’re  _ lying. _ ”

“And why would I do that?”

“To mess with me.”

“Or maybe you’re just too afraid to admit that you don’t deserve her. Ever thought about that?”

_ Yes _ , he thinks to himself. He has. Over and over again. He doesn’t say it, but the way the muscle in his jaw ticks gives Josephine the answer she wanted. 

Bellamy rises to his feet, yanking her up with him. “Enough talking.”

“Sorry,” Josephine says, grinning smugly at him, “Did I strike a nerve?”

Bellamy pulls her along. “I said  _ enough talking _ .”

Josephine goes willingly, coming to walk beside him and not even bothering to fight back physically. That’s never been her strength. Messing with people, however,  _ that _ she’s good at. Bellamy was right about that.

“She’s not the only one doing the leaving. Is she now, Bellamy?”

Tension rises in his shoulders, but he just swallows hard and tries his best to ignore her. 

(It doesn’t work.)

“ _ If anything happens to me _ —” she teases cruelly, and Bellamy feels his heartbeat pick up, tears gathering in his eyes, “ **_Nothing_ ** _ is happening to you.”  _ Josephine lets out an amused laugh. “What a lie that was. Tell me, did you even  _ try _ to save her?”

Bellamy says nothing, taking in a steadying breath. His heart is  _ pounding.  _

“Did she know when you held her as she cried that you’d leave her in a heartbeat to save the others? Or when you were flirting with each other about oxymorons and you wiped the cold sweat from her forehead?”

The memory flits through Bellamy’s mind.

_ Grounders in space—it’s an oxymoron. _

_ Survival’s a team sport, especially up there. It was the only choice...Only choice—also an oxymoron by the way. _

_ So is cold sweat. _

Bellamy shuts his eyes. 

“One second you were  _ pathetically _ into her—anyone with eyes can see that,” Josephine laughs, amused at the reaction it provokes out of him. He’s not saying anything, but he’s keeping it all in, and that tells her  _ everything _ she needs to know. She’s getting to him, just as she got to Clarke. It’s working. “And then the next, you let her go alone to realign the satellite dish, and then you left her to die and didn’t look back. Because  _ Raven, Echo, Murphy and Emori are your family,  _ right?”

Bellamy winces. He hadn’t meant it  _ that  _ way, but it’s how Clarke took it, and that breaks his heart, but still, he stays quiet. 

“What really kills me though is that you were just so  _ convincing _ . The pain in your eyes when she told you to use your head—” Bellamy finally huffs out a watery breath. It’s too much. “Man, if you were an actor, that look right there would have received an Emmy…” She lowers her voice, down low as to imitate him, “ _ I got you for that— _ ”

Bellamy snaps.

He turns to face her so suddenly she swears he must have broken his neck, but his hands are around her throat. “Shut the fuck up!” he cries, livid, but his voice breaks with the emotion in it. 

Josephine chokes on a breath, but she’s still smiling, and it infuriates him further, though his hands don’t tighten around her neck. They  _ can’t _ .

Josephine gasps and laughs weakly. Bellamy releases her. He has to turn away when a tear slips down his cheek, the cord to Josephine’s restraints long forgotten.

And that’s when Josephine makes her move, aiming a kick at Bellamy’s injured leg before she takes off running. He cries out in pain, clutching at his thigh. “Shit,” he groans, and then he’s after her.

His leg is burning as he catches up with her, but he does, and it’s about to collapse on him when he leaps forward, taking her down with him.

Somehow, she winds up on her back as he lands on top of her. Breathing heavily, he lifts his head to glare at her, jaw clenched and lips pressed in a hard line. A suggestive smile pulls at the corners of her mouth. “This is hot,” she says, reaching out a hand to brush the curls from his eyes, and he jerks away from her touch. “Clarke doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

Bellamy huffs, beyond aggravated, and roughly grabs at her jacket to yank her up as he rises to his feet, Josephine smirking at him all the while.

“You know, I think the two of us could be the best of friends when this is all over. _ A lot can happen in a day _ after all.”

“For fuck’s sake, do you ever shut up?”


End file.
